Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Adam Lambert suspected of shoplifting

Adam Lambert, the openly gay runner up of American Idol season 8, was stopped, questioned and patted down after security at Alternative Hole Foods in West Hollywood suspected Lambert of shoplifting.

A customer at the store, who identified himself as Loo Nhee, alerted store security when he noticed a huge bulge in the front of Lambert’s trousers just after witnessing Lambert spending a lot of time examining the eggplant and zucchini and not placing any in his shopping cart. His cart reportedly contained some items of suspicion.

Store security officer, Hugh Morliss, approached Lambert as he was exiting the store and asked him why he didn’t purchase the eggplant or zucchini. Lambert explained that neither the eggplant nor the zucchini was big enough for the use in special recipe his partner, Finnish reality star Sauli Noskinin, were planning to prepare.

Morliss noticed an eggplant sized bulge in Lambert’s trousers and asked him to stand with his legs apart. As he began the pat down, customer Nhee reported that Morliss turned - and we quote: "red as an organic beet" as it became clear the bulge was 100% Lambert.

Lambert was released without having to submit to a cavity search but was accosted by paparazzi as he exited the store. Lambert, still clearly excited, smiled and waved as he drove off in his beige Ford Focus.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Adam Lambert Has Run-in With Entertainment Correspondent In Driveway

Biggest Leeker entertainment correspondent Papz Amir seized a long awaited photo opportunity as American Idol Season 8 runner-up Adam Lambert, who is openly gay, was believed to be leaving for the afternoon taping of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

Prior to Lambert’s departure, several delivery vehicles arrived at Lambert’s home. One appeared to be delivering exercise equipment, a second contained home saunas, and a third from “Blue Ivy Organic Nursery”. A web search has since revealed one of the owners of the Blue Ivy Nursery as Beyonce, who has just launched a home growing kit for mushrooms rumored to have hallucinogenic effects.

A fourth van entered the property branded with the words “Alternative Hole Foods” on its side panels and SPLOSH on a custom license plate. Our correspondent interviewed Harry Reardon, a co-owner of the company. Reardon described their food products as newly available for home use after previously being limited to clinical trials.

Reardon said, "Folks who don’t like the taste of healthy food choices can self-administer 'Alternative Hole Foods' rectally."

"Many of our clients are subjected to limited food choices on airplanes, and face sabotaged diet plans due to unhealthy snacking. Our research compelled us to satisfy this demand for a unique, quick, and healthy nutrition option."

Reardon also spilled that Lambert volunteered to evaluate their newest product line called “Craqs”, the equivalent of a quick snack. Reardon continued explaining that full entrees can take up to 9 minutes to administer, and “Craqs” require only 4 minutes.

He also noted with enthusiasm, the perfect fit "Craqs" has with today’s busy lifestyle. For customers who prefer the 'green' lifestyle, the products are packaged with completely disposable, bio-degradable, and flushable materials.  Reardon denied any rumor that Lambert would be endorsing the products but noted that Lambert was anxious to give them a try on his flight overseas in a few weeks.

Lambert, who is currently promoting his newly released single, “Better Than I Know Myself” and upcoming album, “Trespassing”, attempted to leave his residence in a beige Ford Focus. Before the vehicle departed it was momentarily blocked by the "Alternative Hole Foods" truck.

Our correspondent, Papz Amir, was summoned over to Lambert’s vehicle after taking some pictures but remains mum on what Lambert whispered to him and has not submitted any photos.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Adam Lambert Receives the "No Way, Yes Way, AMWAY" Leadership Award

Adam Lambert, runner-up of American Idol season eight, performed at Amway’s Leadership Seminar in Shanghai in December 2011. But new leeks indicate there is much more to this story. With cameras strictly forbidden at the event and most Amway distributors staying under the radar, verification of these newly leeked facts has been impossible.

Lambert, who is openly gay, was actually the recipient of Amway’s most prestigious award that honors one of its distributors who has not only reached Amway’s almost unattainable sales goals, but who is also in a high profile position to promote the Amway brand. The award, called the “No Way, Yes Way, Amway” was awarded to Lambert in a secret meeting.

Our entertainment correspondent, Papz Amir, was able to sneak into the event posing as, of all things, one of Lambert’s entourage.To avoid tipping off Lambert’s actual entourage, Mr. Amir posed to them as an assistant to Lambert provided by the venue.

Mr. Amir was able to speak with Lambert and ask some questions. The casual question and answer follows. We at BiggestLeeker apologize for Mr. Amir’s grammar, but he was trying to not sound normal, not like a news correspondent. We think he did a great job and uncovered some great new information about Lambert as well as some Amway insider secrets, a critical part of Amway’s allure.

PA: It is like so nice to like meet you Adam. But I don’t think anyone knows that you are actually an Amway distributor. Like WTF?

AL: Well actually my whole family is involved with Amway. My parents actually first met in college at an Amway opportunity meeting arranged through the college for students they didn’t think would be able to find jobs in their chosen majors.

PA: Who all in your family sells Amway?

AL: My mom, my dad, my dad’s fiancĂ©, all my aunts and uncles…really everyone because the way you get ahead is by signing up as many people as you can. We even signed up our dog Maggie at one point.

PA: Your dad has a fiancé?

AL: Well, I didn’t know what else to call her.

PA: So how long have you been selling Amway and why haven't we heard?

AL: I started right after I dropped out of college because I needed some extra income. Amway offered me a flexible schedule, unlimited income potential and an opportunity to win valuable trips, like this one to beautiful Shanghai, and most importantly, great networking opportunities.

PA: That sounds like a commercial for Amway. Did they give you a script?

AL: No, I’ve just gotten really good at answering interview questions. (laughs) Maybe you should look into the opportunity yourself. I can give you some information. Or better yet, I can set up a party with some of your family and friends. During the meeting here they are offering a special on their introductory sample box. It’s only $19.95 and it’s a $500 value. But it’s only available for a few days. Then it goes back up to $49.95.

PA: So you actually use and sell Amway?

AL: Of course.

PA: What’s your favorite product?

AL: I don’t really have favorites. Besides, Amway manufactures products that we use every day, from cleaning products, skin and body care, health supplements, jewelry, vacuum cleaners, custom kitchen cabinets and jewelry. In fact one of the reasons I am here is to launch their clothing line which I helped to design. My first piece should be ready to launch in 2013…ish. There were some changes that caused some delays. I wanted the fabric to be as organic as possible to be consistent with Amway’s commitment to the environment. In fact most of their products are now made of rice.

PA: Huh?

AL: Yes. Over the years Amway has removed all the chemicals from its products. Now, everything from the food supplements, the makeup and the laundry soap are made from rice and rice byproducts. Most of the products are actually edible.

PA: You can eat the laundry soap and makeup?

AL: True. I once mixed some makeup base with a little olive oil and made a tasty salad dressing.

PA: Yuk! What did it taste like?

AL: Kind of like olive oil.

PA: So they make vacuum cleaners out of rice?

AL: Not exactly. But the disposable filters are made of rice and are currently available in two flavors, tangy lemon and buttered popcorn. There are samples in that introductory kit. I can run your credit card right now. Hey, I need to start getting ready. Aren’t you supposed to be my assistant?

This concludes the question and answer session from our entertainment correspondent, Papz Amir. From what he said, Adam removed his shirt and he recalls nothing after that.