Saturday, March 31, 2012

Adam Lambert Sex Tape Surfaces

Sex starved and horny Glamberts’ wish has been granted. An Adam Lambert sex tape has surfaced. Although only 45 seconds long and about 9 years old, the fuzzy videotape has been authenticated. Lambert was the runner-up on the eighth season of American Idol and is openly gay.

Liza Little, an Old Compton street drag queen and alleged Bordsteinschwalbe from her Berlin years, phoned Biggest Leeker’s London branch office where he explained to our receptionist, Ann Surring, that he is angry and wants to set the record straight after seeing a Tweet that indicated Lambert could last 45 minutes.

Papz Amir, our political and entertainment correspondent, met with Liza Little to obtain a copy of the videotape and get the back story. Previously, Lambert said that he never made a sex tape. Liza and Amir met at Die Busche the same bar where she met Lambert 9 years ago and shared the following story:

“Lambert, introduced himself as ‘Maggie Longfellow’. He said he was there with some of the cast and crew of 'HARE.’ She (Maggie/Adam) towered above the others. She wore a Bohemian tie dyed outfit, white Afro wig - oooo baby! - and purple pumps with 4” heels. I could sense this may have been punkin's first time out draggin it. Girl, had no grace in heels... sorry to say and .... (Liza shakes her whole body then licks her lips) he was spilln’ outta that tuck. I was attracted to him immediately! I asked him where he found pumps in such a big size. He told me he was playing hooky in the props room of the theatre then laughed about them being hard - - - to walk in."

"He was so huge , so awkward, yet irresistibly cute."

"I was almost giddy, we didn’t chat for long when I asked him to come home with me. I offered him a cocktail ... it was an excuse to go behind the bar and turn on my video camera. I don’t tape all of my customers, but that clingy frock was starting to look dishy and I thought this may be a one off for my record book."

Liza, told Leeker, the whole encounter lasted all of 45 seconds and was adorably awkward.

Recently Liza read an article that revealed Adam Lambert's porn name was Maggie Longfellow.

"You should have heard me gasp!" squealed Liza. "His (Lambert’s) black hair threw me off until I saw pictures of that freckled face after searching the internet. I immediately recognized my "Little Cuckoo" - that was a pet name I chose for his - well you know - his bell and bollocks, but that's him!  MY Maggie Longfellow!  And honey, I left no video tape unturned as I hunted for my 45 second nugget." 

Amir asked why Liza chose to reveal the tape now and why he chose Biggest Leeker when there are so many other tabloids that would have paid a huge sum for the video. Liza explained that it is not money but simply revenge and a duty to reveal the truth.

"I get so cheesed off!" Liza said with a flip of her hair. "Adam's boyfriend (Finnish reality star Sauli Moreskinin) looks like a fun size chap who's probably getting...... (Liza pauses)......well I'm just not buying that Lambert can last 45 minutes. It was on Twitter you know."

Liza paused and seemed to feign a teary-eyed moment, then regained composure and said, “I thought we had something special even though it was only 45 sexy seconds.”

Biggest Leeker asked Liza about the 45 sex-onds being well worth it. Liza spun around and quipped, "Watch the tape deary and you tell me. TTFN!"

Scroll to see exclusive video below.







Sunday, March 4, 2012

Adam Lambert On The Cover of Caulk Magazine

Since proclaiming “Glitter is dead to me” Adam Lambert, season 8 runner-up on American Idol has come under fire from fans who grew to embrace his “more is more” style attitude. Just in time for the home improvement season, Lambert graces the cover of Caulk Magazine brandishing the magazine’s patented supersized caulk gun.

The featured photos are styled by Avi Yuragayman and shot by Fred “Flash” Starzabich, and shows Lambert’s changing fashion sense. He is moving away from his extreme camp style and favoring sale merchandise at Sears. Lambert bragged about purchasing 5 pair of carpenter jeans when he discovered them on the clearance rack. He also admitted to snatching two in the next size up in anticipation of packing on a few extra pounds snacking on barbeque potato chips and drinking chocolate milk.

Caulk Magazine also features the openly gay Lambert's candid tidbits about his New York City excursion. He and boyfriend, Finnish reality star Sauli Moreskinin attended the Fashion Week runway show by The Blonds. 

Biggest Leeker obtained a statement from the Blonds expressing sadness over Lambert’s simple black ensemble at Fashion week. David and Philippe Blond also confirmed they introduced Lambert to their nephew James Blond, as a gesture of fashion hope. The Blonds told Biggest Leeker that James was a personal stylist extraordinaire and the perfect one to “slap the gay back into him.” But to date, Lambert is rejecting any attempts to rescue his fashion and is instead choosing to style himself.

The openly gay Lambert told Caulk:

“I’ve changed over the last two years after touring and seeing what my fans want. It didn’t seem to matter what I wore, what I did, what kind of songs, or even how long it took me to get my music out there. Those bitches will buy anything. So I figured, stop trying so hard to please everyone and just do whatever the fuck I want. Also, with recent legal fees, engine problems on my Ford Focus and having some things break in my house, I took to the internet, subscribed to Caulk Magazine and have vowed to follow the Aquarian mantra - Do it yourself.” 

Pictured revealing his “plumber’s crack” peeking above the band of his tighty whities, Lambert continued:
“I have no patience sitting in the lounge at the Ford dealer or waiting for a plumber or electrician. Even though I am gay, I’ve found a new level of self-confidence by learning to do cliché straight things myself. One of my proudest moments was designing synchronized dimmers on the lights throughout my house.”

And how does his upcoming album “Trespassing” play into this dichotomy?

Lambert reveals: “Well I executive produced the album myself. The title track “Trespassing” is inspired by one of my trips to Home Depot. I saw a construction site with hazard tape draped everywhere. The bright yellow popped against the dusty metal and decayed wood and it was magical, almost surreal.”

The album was originally scheduled for a Mapril release, but has now been pushed back so Lambert can “work on a new song with Bruno Mars,” as he Tweeted last week: “Bruno invited me to his house for a beer and shared his desire to close in his back porch and convert his walk-in closet into a secure vault for his rifle collection. Despite the delay for the album, I want to help Bruno with his home improvement projects. I feel it is my responsibility to share what I have learned and to inspire others.”

Asked about his upcoming concert fronting the iconic band “Queen”, Lambert admitted:

“Since this issue of Caulk premiers after April Fool’s Day, I can reveal that Queen and I staged the whole thing as a publicity stunt. In a move that may surprise some people, I am joining Kiss on stage at Sonisphere. This is an opportunity for Kiss to attract some gay fans and for me to attract more straight males. Gene Simmons and Brian May found common ground when they met at the American Idol finale and have been planning the coup ever since.”