Sunday, November 10, 2013

Adam Lambert Launches New Recording Label OMG

Openly gay American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert is expected to announce tomorrow that he is launching his own recording label called “OMG”. 

OMG has initially signed several independent artists and will record, produce and distribute Lambert’s new album.  Another new company, UNF was set up to create and distribute any related merchandise associated with OMG’s artists.   

Set for release no sooner than January 1, 2014, Lambert’s new album is tentatively called “iSon”, and is inspired by the comet Ison which is expected to create plasma dragons in the sky.  Since Lambert is known as a “Glittery alien from Planet Fierce”, he is promising to bring back the glitter and glam that so many of his Glamberts missed with his last album, “Trespassing”.  

Lambert also adds that he enjoyed working as a DJ on Ellen and collaborating with Avicii and has decided to do some additional remixing under the name “T-Werk”.  His first project is to bring the song “20th Century Boy” into the 21st century.  

Official confirmation is expected that OMG has signed “Nile Rivers”, an indie band that is said to have the musical gravitas of Nile Rodgers and the sophistication of Joan Rivers.  Also rumored to have signed is parody artist Smiley Serious, the youngest daughter of Weird Al Yankonit.  

It was visible that Lambert was excited about another project.  Expected to be finished in time to compete with the Super Bowl half-time show featuring Lambert’s nemesis, Bruno Mars, Lambert and OMG plan to collaborate with longtime friends Will Cherry and Madonna Pittman to produce a spectacle similar to “The Zodiac Show” called “Cockroaches on Uranus”.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

SPOILER ALERT! Adam Lambert's role on GLEE leeked

Demi Lovalatio, a disgruntled fluffer on the set of GLEE, contacted Biggest Leeker’s office and disclosed the details of Adam Lambert’s role on the popular show, now filming its sixth season.

Lovalatio was busy trying to get Lambert, the openly gay runner-up from American Idol’s eighth season, ready for his opening scene and became angry when Lambert declared that he didn’t need her help to prepare.  Lovalatio was promised a small singing part with Lambert if he enjoyed working with her.  Lovalatio is a huge fan of Lambert and said she was more excited for this opportunity than she was to work with a big purple dinosaur. 

Lovalatio contacted Biggest Leeker’s office shortly after being escorted off the GLEE set in New York City.

Lovalatio revealed that because of Lambert’s creativity, the producers of GLEE came up with the concept of Lambert’s character, Shane Sheldon, to own a food truck, but allowed Lambert to decide on its design and what food(s) it would sell.  The food truck parks near the apartment shared by Rachel, Santana and Kurt. And like many Broadway wannabes in New York City, Shane needs several sources income to make ends meet.  So when the food truck closes after the lunch rush, Shane gives singing lessons in the rear of the truck.  Lambert, never missing an opportunity to be a little naughty, decided to sell sausages.  Lambert said that he enjoys the look, feel and smell of the sausage varieties. The truck business, “Shane Sheldon’s Sausages” sells keilbasi sandwiches, hot dogs and Italian hot sausages that are all guaranteed to be at least nine inches long.  Originally he planned to have a juice truck, but New Yorker’s don’t have the same love for liquid kale as Californians, so he thought it wouldn’t be believable.

Lovalatio continues to spill more details of Lambert’s opening scene.  Kurt visits Shane’s food truck the first day it arrives and sees that the menu includes singing lessons.  Noticing that his sausage was only six inches, Kurt asks for a singing lesson instead of the usual “gurarantee”. During the session Kurt and Shane come up with a perfect jingle for Shane’s business.  The catchy jingle will be available on MyToons and the single will be released for charity.  Lambert chose the charity “Vegan Vagabonds” as they provide meat to children of vegans and vegetarians who chose to escape the meatless lifestyle unfairly imposed on them.  Some New Yorkers are upset that a large percentage of the funds will end up in California instead of staying in New York.  In a related story, students back at McKinley High organize a sit-in-sing-a-thon to protest the school’s policy of banning food trucks from school property.

Lovalatio says she isn’t taking her dismissal sitting down and is in discussions with another network to create a reality show where she gives voice lessons out of a food truck.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Adam Lambert and Clay Aiken "Burn it Up" Together

Suspicious about the timing of pictures showing a shirtless Adam Lambert, Glamberts and Claymates will soon have the opportunity to purchase professional naked pictures.

Fans of the openly gay, American Idol runners up are begging to see their "Zeus in a Thong" and sexy "Sir Robin" naked. So the pair decided to team up for "Cray of Light", a charity they created, to provide safe sunbathing education and sunscreen products to freckled gingers and other fair skinned gay males in the world's hottest and sunniest areas.

The charity photo campaign called "Ginger Snaps" has Aiken and Lambert appearing naked together and separately in "tastefully edited" photographs that will be available for sale.  

Recently getting burned, Clay Aiken reached out to Adam Lambert, a fellow ginger, to get advice on how to keep from getting sunburned.  Lambert, being no stranger to getting burned commiserated with Aiken about his inability to fully enjoy some rays, and is usually seen on the hottest of days covering every inch of skin.

A few details have been leeked by James Blond, an intern and nephew of New York designers David and Phillipe Blond, who was a stylist for the photo shoot.  He said being a stylist for a naked photo shoot had its challenges, but Aiken and Lambert were up for it.  Blond shared a story about Lambert posing with an inflatable toy boat when Lambert joked, "We're gonna need a bigger boat". Aiken was having trouble walking after his most recent sun exposure where he burned his most sensitive area, the bottoms of his feet.  Lambert shared a tip, to wear knee high boots on the beach.  He said they also keep the sand out of your toes and protect your pedicure.

Blond spilled that a special collection of revealing poses will be autographed and auctioned.  Blond also joked that this will be one time fans will wish the pictures were not signed as the autographs cleverly cover some never seen skin.

Also, to introduce "Glambaik" a line of high end sunscreen (SPF69) products that also benefit the charity, West Hollywood wedding planner Mary Mitamoro is staging a nude beach "wedding" which is scheduled to take place at an undisclosed location.  Rumors have surfaced that Lambert and Aiken are planning to do a duet, unless it was misunderstood and are planning to "do it".

Choice seats directly in front and in back of Adam and Clay are already commanding thousands of dollars on  Listen for an official announcement about the photographs and auction on iHateRadio.