Weird Al Yankonit, the latest celebrity to come out of the closet, is ready to release his first big gay dance album. Inspired by Adam Lambert’s “TRESPASSING”, Yankonit’s parody mocks Lambert’s obsession with sex and food. Refer often to the Urban Dictionary. Titled “TRESPLOSHING”, here are the descriptions of each track:
1. TRESPLOSHING) The title track is Yankonit calling Lambert out for continuing to say that he is “vanilla” because gay sex, as Yankonit has recently learned, is anything but “vanilla”, and is at the very least kind of a “fudge swirl.” This hand clapping, fist pumping romp will have everyone asking for some extra hot fudge.
2. COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO) This “rooster” kind of tastes like chicken once you add some hot gravy. Written about Lambert's boyfriend Sauli Moreskinin, a huge “cock-a-doodle-doo” sung in unison, penetrates an otherwise dark song.
3. SHADEN) Just when you thought S&M music was all starting to sound the same, the opening of this song will have you digging out the whips and the whipped cream. This one is a hot, sticky mess.
4. NEVER FROZE OUR PIES) Written by Bruno Mars it confirms his love for pie, both fruit and cream. The apple should be eaten at room temperature while the cream should be chilled, but never frozen. Save that for the fudge swirl ice cream.
5. LICKIN’ IN) Also known as “The Lollypop Song”, it’s about Lambert and Moreskinin’s first encounter in Helsinki. There is a surprise Tootsie Roll in the middle of the song, adding to the sticky mess of this album.
6. CAKED LOVE) This is what happens when you get a little high and go home alone. The a capella solo features some new lows we’ve never heard before from Yankonit.
7. POP THAT WOK) What is sploshing without a kinky Eastern twist? Heat up the sesame oil and throw on some vegetables. The crunchy veggies are best served on a soft bed of steamed rice. This is one of the healthier selections on an album that is divided with one side being about healthy choices and the other about junk.
8. BATTER THAT I THROW ON MYSELF) If you take chocolate fudge cake and mix it with golden vanilla, you get the perfect mix, marble. Personally, I like something with a little more texture and spice. This one slips in and slips out pretty quick.
9. BROKEN ENGLISH MUFFIN) Lambert’s tale of having sex with a woman. And who would have guessed? It happened in England. You can feel the butter dripping into the tiny crevices. This is the one song that just doesn't fit on such a big, gay dance album.
10. WONDERWHEAT) It’s the healthiest and sexiest way to get your daily fiber to keep everything sliding nicely through the digestive track. I would best describe this as a big, gay mash-up of Stevie Wonder and Buckwheat.
11. ARTICHOKEHOLD) Dip it into butter and sink your teeth into this evil looking vegetable with its prickly leaves and flowering head.
12. INLAWS OF LOVE) A Christmas visit to meet the rest of the Moreskinin family inspired this song that’s all about the meat balls and other Finnish favorites.
13. RUNNIN’) This bone ass track is only found on the US release as no other country has embraced “juicing” like they have in California. The juice cleanses and gay sex go hand in hand, but we warn you though that beets and kale can leave some stains to explain
What? No leeks? They’re the perfect size and shape, crunchy and juicy. I guess we will release our own single. Leeks are so underrated.