Sunday, March 4, 2012

Adam Lambert On The Cover of Caulk Magazine

Since proclaiming “Glitter is dead to me” Adam Lambert, season 8 runner-up on American Idol has come under fire from fans who grew to embrace his “more is more” style attitude. Just in time for the home improvement season, Lambert graces the cover of Caulk Magazine brandishing the magazine’s patented supersized caulk gun.

The featured photos are styled by Avi Yuragayman and shot by Fred “Flash” Starzabich, and shows Lambert’s changing fashion sense. He is moving away from his extreme camp style and favoring sale merchandise at Sears. Lambert bragged about purchasing 5 pair of carpenter jeans when he discovered them on the clearance rack. He also admitted to snatching two in the next size up in anticipation of packing on a few extra pounds snacking on barbeque potato chips and drinking chocolate milk.

Caulk Magazine also features the openly gay Lambert's candid tidbits about his New York City excursion. He and boyfriend, Finnish reality star Sauli Moreskinin attended the Fashion Week runway show by The Blonds. 

Biggest Leeker obtained a statement from the Blonds expressing sadness over Lambert’s simple black ensemble at Fashion week. David and Philippe Blond also confirmed they introduced Lambert to their nephew James Blond, as a gesture of fashion hope. The Blonds told Biggest Leeker that James was a personal stylist extraordinaire and the perfect one to “slap the gay back into him.” But to date, Lambert is rejecting any attempts to rescue his fashion and is instead choosing to style himself.

The openly gay Lambert told Caulk:

“I’ve changed over the last two years after touring and seeing what my fans want. It didn’t seem to matter what I wore, what I did, what kind of songs, or even how long it took me to get my music out there. Those bitches will buy anything. So I figured, stop trying so hard to please everyone and just do whatever the fuck I want. Also, with recent legal fees, engine problems on my Ford Focus and having some things break in my house, I took to the internet, subscribed to Caulk Magazine and have vowed to follow the Aquarian mantra - Do it yourself.” 

Pictured revealing his “plumber’s crack” peeking above the band of his tighty whities, Lambert continued:
“I have no patience sitting in the lounge at the Ford dealer or waiting for a plumber or electrician. Even though I am gay, I’ve found a new level of self-confidence by learning to do cliché straight things myself. One of my proudest moments was designing synchronized dimmers on the lights throughout my house.”

And how does his upcoming album “Trespassing” play into this dichotomy?

Lambert reveals: “Well I executive produced the album myself. The title track “Trespassing” is inspired by one of my trips to Home Depot. I saw a construction site with hazard tape draped everywhere. The bright yellow popped against the dusty metal and decayed wood and it was magical, almost surreal.”

The album was originally scheduled for a Mapril release, but has now been pushed back so Lambert can “work on a new song with Bruno Mars,” as he Tweeted last week: “Bruno invited me to his house for a beer and shared his desire to close in his back porch and convert his walk-in closet into a secure vault for his rifle collection. Despite the delay for the album, I want to help Bruno with his home improvement projects. I feel it is my responsibility to share what I have learned and to inspire others.”

Asked about his upcoming concert fronting the iconic band “Queen”, Lambert admitted:

“Since this issue of Caulk premiers after April Fool’s Day, I can reveal that Queen and I staged the whole thing as a publicity stunt. In a move that may surprise some people, I am joining Kiss on stage at Sonisphere. This is an opportunity for Kiss to attract some gay fans and for me to attract more straight males. Gene Simmons and Brian May found common ground when they met at the American Idol finale and have been planning the coup ever since.”


  1. What the fuck is your problem? Your sense of humor is worse than the worst haters. This isn't remotely funny and it is offensive. i question your motives.

  2. Haters don't have a sense of humor.

  3. Why was there such a great uproar when George Michael, Elton John and Freddy Mercury were finlaly known to be gay/bi? is as much about fantasy as it is about art; so even an open gay guy can grind on a girl in a video and the audience will eat it up.

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