Tuesday, April 12, 2016

American Idol plans "Back Door" Incarnation

American Idol as we know it came to an end this week and plans are already being made to bring it back, this time through the back door.  Shemoan Fullovit, who worked in music pirating and S&M before managing West Hollywood's "Spice Gurls" gay bar, is planning the yet to be named reincarnation.  On a shady afternoon she sat down with West Hollywood Reporter's Papz Amir to discuss some of her ideas. 

TWHR: Is it important for you to preserve the integrity of  Idol?

Shemoan Fullovit:  For the last 15 seasons we’ve been over protective of the TV show. We feel we've made absolute suckers of the American public with the touring and the overpriced merchandise.  So we've nixed any idea about the "tops" touring this year.  I think we lost some integrity trying to protect the brand, especially with the scandals and controversies.  So here we are facing our last 15 minutes on TV and now the legacy can be repaired.  Now we can bend over and take a deep breath.  When you’re the No. 1 show it’s scary to be too bold and brazen about changing the format, especially the voting methods, because show sponsors like AT&A had an invested interest as well as an arm up to the elbow up our asses.  Also, we were always rushing to get the next season.  That's why we decided not to "drag out" our last season.

TWHR:  The broadcasting landscape has changed so much since Idol debuted.  How will streaming services like Netfux, Hamazon and Hula affect your incarnation? 

Shemoan Fullovit:  There are motherloads of ideas being thrown against the wall to see what sticks.  We debuted before Facepalm and other socially transmitted networks were conceived.  The new incarnation will be a lot more interactive.  Along with new sponsor Mikesosoft, we promise exciting new technology is coming.  My head is exploding with ideas.  One idea, using new technology will allow the audience to vote using a touch screen.  We are working to maximize revenue.  For instance, if you touch the area near Adam Lambert's crotch, not only will it register nine votes, it will link you with a site we've predetermined you will like, perhaps one showing his "Sparkle Cows" rolling around in flour trying to find a wet spot.  LOL!  Just kidding of course.

TWHR:  Shows like The Voice are thought to be more fair, with coaches being unable to see and make judgements about the contestants.  Do you plan any changes to your audition process?

Shemoan Fullovit:  Of course.  Since fans seem to entertained by the really bad auditions Idol has become famous for, I've decided that the worst and least talented singers should have a fair shot at fame.  Some of  our best finds were people like Sandeyes and Well Hung.  Auditions will not only be blind, but stone deaf.  Our judges will be blindfolded and equipped with headphones with Danny Hokey screaming Dream On. They will use their hands to feel the contestants.  So they should be able to tell if they are fat or discern if they are male, female or something in between without making any judgements about their talent.  I'm convinced that no matter how hard we tried to choose the winner in the past, the public got it wrong anyway.

TWHR:  Your studio audiences over the years, even though clearly padded with contestant's family members holding art department made signs, somehow was diverse.  Do you have plans to keep the viewers at home as diverse as the studio audience?

Shemoan Fullovit:  Idol was designed to be a show that the whole family could watch together. Music unites people. Whether you’re five or you’re 55 or 85, the musical tastes of the public are more aligned than they ever have been. There was a time when what a teenager liked would be polar opposite to what their parents would like. That’s not the case anymore, at least for delusional bean counters here at Idol.  The new interactive show will have a cool feature.  If you see a sign in the audience, you can use your touch screen to place an order for it.  You can then download and print it yourself.

TWHR:  What was your favorite performance?

Shemoan Fullovit:  You probably expect me to say Adam Lambert doing Mad World because of Simon awarding the show's only standing ovation up to that date, but it was the vocal masterclass of the show's winner that season, sorry I don't recall his name, singing the coronation song No Boundaries.  It was so spectacular that I removed the song from the Idol tour that year after only a few performances.  Fans were so overwhelmed that they were leaving the show before he finished. 

TWHR:  Did Idol piss off the music industry by bypassing them?

Shemoan Fullovit:  I created Idol to find another path to break artists.  But it hasn't worked.  That's why I'm creating the new Idol incarnation.  I thought Idol would be a way for me to control the music industry.  So initially, of course they were pissed.  Of course we had a fist full of successes.  Take Lambert for instance.  He's a massive success all over the world — in Europe,  in Australia, in Asia where he is a god, and even in Nashville.  After what he did to Ring of Fire it was SHOCKING! I tried to hide that he was gay and it backfired.  There are things about Adam that he can't hide.  His talent is huge.  There was no keeping him down.  We threw Grand Ole Opry at him and he rose to the occasion.

TWHR:  Anything else in the oven right now?

Shemoan Fullovit:  No.  I'm putting all my marbles into this Idol gravy train.  Besides, I'm kinda stuck in the 80s.  One hand is reaching into the future and the other is happy sitting in my West Hollywood gay bar enjoying losers from RuPaul's Drag Race lip syncing 80s songs.  If you like fashion, heavy makeup, fake boobs and giant wigs, West Hollywood is the only place to be.  With or without Idol, I will survive.

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