Weird Al Yankonit parodies Adam Lambert's "Trespassing"

Weird Al Yankonit, the latest celebrity to come out of the closet, is ready to release his first big gay dance album. Inspired by Adam Lambert’s “TRESPASSING”, Yankonit’s parody mocks Lambert’s obsession with sex and food. Refer often to the Urban Dictionary. Titled “TRESPLOSHING”, here are the descriptions of each track:

1. TRESPLOSHING) The title track is Yankonit calling Lambert out for continuing to say that he is “vanilla” because gay sex, as Yankonit has recently learned, is anything but “vanilla”, and is at the very least kind of a “fudge swirl.” This hand clapping, fist pumping romp will have everyone asking for some extra hot fudge.



2. COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO) This “rooster” kind of tastes like chicken once you add some hot gravy. Written about Lambert's boyfriend Sauli Moreskinin, a huge “cock-a-doodle-doo” sung in unison, penetrates an otherwise dark song.



3. SHADEN) Just when you thought S&M music was all starting to sound the same, the opening of this song will have you digging out the whips and the whipped cream. This one is a hot, sticky mess.



4. NEVER FROZE OUR PIES) Written by Bruno Mars it confirms his love for pie, both fruit and cream. The apple should be eaten at room temperature while the cream should be chilled, but never frozen. Save that for the fudge swirl ice cream.



5. LICKIN’ IN) Also known as “The Lollypop Song”, it’s about Lambert and Moreskinin’s first encounter in Helsinki. There is a surprise Tootsie Roll in the middle of the song, adding to the sticky mess of this album.



6. CAKED LOVE) This is what happens when you get a little high and go home alone. The a capella solo features some new lows we’ve never heard before from Yankonit.



7. POP THAT WOK) What is sploshing without a kinky Eastern twist? Heat up the sesame oil and throw on some vegetables. The crunchy veggies are best served on a soft bed of steamed rice. This is one of the healthier selections on an album that is divided with one side being about healthy choices and the other about junk.



8. BATTER THAT I THROW ON MYSELF) If you take chocolate fudge cake and mix it with golden vanilla, you get the perfect mix, marble. Personally, I like something with a little more texture and spice. This one slips in and slips out pretty quick.



9. BROKEN ENGLISH MUFFIN) Lambert’s tale of having sex with a woman. And who would have guessed? It happened in England. You can feel the butter dripping into the tiny crevices.  This is the one song that just doesn't fit on such a big, gay dance album.



10. WONDERWHEAT) It’s the healthiest and sexiest way to get your daily fiber to keep everything sliding nicely through the digestive track.  I would best describe this as a  big, gay mash-up of Stevie Wonder and Buckwheat.



11. ARTICHOKEHOLD) Dip it into butter and sink your teeth into this evil looking vegetable with its prickly leaves and flowering head.



12. INLAWS OF LOVE) A Christmas visit to meet the rest of the Moreskinin family inspired this song that’s all about the meat balls and other Finnish favorites.



13. RUNNIN’) This bone ass track is only found on the US release as no other country has embraced “juicing” like they have in California. The juice cleanses and gay sex go hand in hand, but we warn you though that beets and kale can leave some stains to explain





What? No leeks? They’re the perfect size and shape, crunchy and juicy. I guess we will release our own single. Leeks are so underrated.

Bruno Mars' and Adam Lambert's "Never Close Our Eyes" Music Video Details Leeked

Fans of Grammy Award winner Bruno Mars and American Idol Season 8 runner-up Adam Lambert, will be thrilled to know that details of the music video for the much anticipated next single “Never Close Our Eyes” have been leeked.

Georgio Romeo (Knight of the Dead and Dawnriders) has been tapped by Lambert to direct the music video. Romeo contacted a movie props rental company to order needed items and couldn’t help but spill some details to the representative. The rep, who only wishes to be identified as a Glambert, told his story: 

"Mr. Romeo is a regular client. He said he was contacted by Adam Lambert to help with the creative vision for his latest music video. He (Romeo) said Adam was very candid about being a huge fan of videos like Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ and Madonna’s ‘Bedtime Story’ and also really likes vampires."

“I was so excited!" the Glambert, wearing heavy theatrical makeup himself, continued, "For me personally, I can’t wait til Halloween to see what creative costume Adam will come up with. And every year it’s been a vampire. So he (Romeo) said he wanted to add a zombie twist on the lyrics of “Never Close Our Eyes.” It will be similar to the “If I Had You” video with all of Adam’s friends participating and will take place in a cemetery instead of the woods."

 Evidently, our source was given even more juicy details from Romeo.

Our Glambert was overwhelmed in excitement as he spoke. "In a symbolic move, Adam will bury a bucket of glitter and also, to my horror, will bury his leather lace crotch pants. Then, Adam, as well as half of the zombies, will be wearing Italian designer suits. Renting 25 Italian designer suits is what brought Mr. Romero into our place. Believe me, he already has more plastic tombstones than anyone I know."

As reported by many sources, Adam performed the song “Trespassing” on the NewNowNext Awards. Biggest Leeker picked up on an unsubstantiated story that after Adam had a few drinks he promised his drag queen friends that they could be in his video.

Do you think Bruno Mars, who wrote the latest song, will make a cameo appearance as well? Maybe so, but the Biggest Leeker thinks you might not recognize him as we are betting he’ll be in drag too.

 

EDITOR'S NOTE:  One of our readers pointed out an obvious omission from the above story.  We at BiggestLeeker.com apologize for any confusion as the omission of the fact that "Adam Lambert is openly gay" clearly changes the whole story. Our writers have been carefully screened and the stories have been proofread, but this one slipped by us.  The writer of this story will be reprimanded, but since Sum Young Kyd is an intern and is working for free, we are going to keep him on our staff.

Adam Lambert Sex Tape Surfaces

Sex starved and horny Glamberts’ wish has been granted. An Adam Lambert sex tape has surfaced. Although only 45 seconds long and about 9 years old, the fuzzy videotape has been authenticated. Lambert was the runner-up on the eighth season of American Idol and is openly gay.

Liza Little, an Old Compton street drag queen and alleged Bordsteinschwalbe from her Berlin years, phoned Biggest Leeker’s London branch office where he explained to our receptionist, Ann Surring, that he is angry and wants to set the record straight after seeing a Tweet that indicated Lambert could last 45 minutes.

Papz Amir, our political and entertainment correspondent, met with Liza Little to obtain a copy of the videotape and get the back story. Previously, Lambert said that he never made a sex tape. Liza and Amir met at Die Busche the same bar where she met Lambert 9 years ago and shared the following story:

“Lambert, introduced himself as ‘Maggie Longfellow’. He said he was there with some of the cast and crew of 'HARE.’ She (Maggie/Adam) towered above the others. She wore a Bohemian tie dyed outfit, white Afro wig - oooo baby! - and purple pumps with 4” heels. I could sense this may have been punkin's first time out draggin it. Girl, had no grace in heels... sorry to say and .... (Liza shakes her whole body then licks her lips) he was spilln’ outta that tuck. I was attracted to him immediately! I asked him where he found pumps in such a big size. He told me he was playing hooky in the props room of the theatre then laughed about them being hard - - - to walk in."

"He was so huge , so awkward, yet irresistibly cute."

"I was almost giddy, we didn’t chat for long when I asked him to come home with me. I offered him a cocktail ... it was an excuse to go behind the bar and turn on my video camera. I don’t tape all of my customers, but that clingy frock was starting to look dishy and I thought this may be a one off for my record book."

Liza, told Leeker, the whole encounter lasted all of 45 seconds and was adorably awkward.

Recently Liza read an article that revealed Adam Lambert's porn name was Maggie Longfellow.

"You should have heard me gasp!" squealed Liza. "His (Lambert’s) black hair threw me off until I saw pictures of that freckled face after searching the internet. I immediately recognized my "Little Cuckoo" - that was a pet name I chose for his - well you know - his bell and bollocks, but that's him!  MY Maggie Longfellow!  And honey, I left no video tape unturned as I hunted for my 45 second nugget." 

Amir asked why Liza chose to reveal the tape now and why he chose Biggest Leeker when there are so many other tabloids that would have paid a huge sum for the video. Liza explained that it is not money but simply revenge and a duty to reveal the truth.

"I get so cheesed off!" Liza said with a flip of her hair. "Adam's boyfriend (Finnish reality star Sauli Moreskinin) looks like a fun size chap who's probably getting...... (Liza pauses)......well I'm just not buying that Lambert can last 45 minutes. It was on Twitter you know."

Liza paused and seemed to feign a teary-eyed moment, then regained composure and said, “I thought we had something special even though it was only 45 sexy seconds.”

Biggest Leeker asked Liza about the 45 sex-onds being well worth it. Liza spun around and quipped, "Watch the tape deary and you tell me. TTFN!"

Scroll to see exclusive video below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Adam Lambert On The Cover of Caulk Magazine

Since proclaiming “Glitter is dead to me” Adam Lambert, season 8 runner-up on American Idol has come under fire from fans who grew to embrace his “more is more” style attitude. Just in time for the home improvement season, Lambert graces the cover of Caulk Magazine brandishing the magazine’s patented supersized caulk gun.

The featured photos are styled by Avi Yuragayman and shot by Fred “Flash” Starzabich, and shows Lambert’s changing fashion sense. He is moving away from his extreme camp style and favoring sale merchandise at Sears. Lambert bragged about purchasing 5 pair of carpenter jeans when he discovered them on the clearance rack. He also admitted to snatching two in the next size up in anticipation of packing on a few extra pounds snacking on barbeque potato chips and drinking chocolate milk.

Caulk Magazine also features the openly gay Lambert's candid tidbits about his New York City excursion. He and boyfriend, Finnish reality star Sauli Moreskinin attended the Fashion Week runway show by The Blonds. 

Biggest Leeker obtained a statement from the Blonds expressing sadness over Lambert’s simple black ensemble at Fashion week. David and Philippe Blond also confirmed they introduced Lambert to their nephew James Blond, as a gesture of fashion hope. The Blonds told Biggest Leeker that James was a personal stylist extraordinaire and the perfect one to “slap the gay back into him.” But to date, Lambert is rejecting any attempts to rescue his fashion and is instead choosing to style himself.

The openly gay Lambert told Caulk:

“I’ve changed over the last two years after touring and seeing what my fans want. It didn’t seem to matter what I wore, what I did, what kind of songs, or even how long it took me to get my music out there. Those bitches will buy anything. So I figured, stop trying so hard to please everyone and just do whatever the fuck I want. Also, with recent legal fees, engine problems on my Ford Focus and having some things break in my house, I took to the internet, subscribed to Caulk Magazine and have vowed to follow the Aquarian mantra - Do it yourself.” 

Pictured revealing his “plumber’s crack” peeking above the band of his tighty whities, Lambert continued:
“I have no patience sitting in the lounge at the Ford dealer or waiting for a plumber or electrician. Even though I am gay, I’ve found a new level of self-confidence by learning to do cliché straight things myself. One of my proudest moments was designing synchronized dimmers on the lights throughout my house.”

And how does his upcoming album “Trespassing” play into this dichotomy?

Lambert reveals: “Well I executive produced the album myself. The title track “Trespassing” is inspired by one of my trips to Home Depot. I saw a construction site with hazard tape draped everywhere. The bright yellow popped against the dusty metal and decayed wood and it was magical, almost surreal.”

The album was originally scheduled for a Mapril release, but has now been pushed back so Lambert can “work on a new song with Bruno Mars,” as he Tweeted last week: “Bruno invited me to his house for a beer and shared his desire to close in his back porch and convert his walk-in closet into a secure vault for his rifle collection. Despite the delay for the album, I want to help Bruno with his home improvement projects. I feel it is my responsibility to share what I have learned and to inspire others.”

Asked about his upcoming concert fronting the iconic band “Queen”, Lambert admitted:

“Since this issue of Caulk premiers after April Fool’s Day, I can reveal that Queen and I staged the whole thing as a publicity stunt. In a move that may surprise some people, I am joining Kiss on stage at Sonisphere. This is an opportunity for Kiss to attract some gay fans and for me to attract more straight males. Gene Simmons and Brian May found common ground when they met at the American Idol finale and have been planning the coup ever since.”

Is the Glambulge Shrinking?

Adam Lambert, runner-up of American Idol season 8, just announced he will reprise his performance with the iconic band Queen at this summer's Sonisphere in Knebworth, UK. Currently, Lambert is in the UK for media promotion of his upcoming album “Trespassing”, due out sometime.

Lambert, who is openly gay, was spotted entering the office of Dr. Carl “Curlie” Bush, London's highest profile urologist. Biggest Leeker tapped into a source who reports they overheard the statement "I think my penis is shrinking!" Our source also mentioned hearing "one-half inch (12.7mm)" but the remainder of the conversation was muffled. As Lambert exited the exam room Dr. Bush was jesting for Lambert to lay off the juicing and enjoy more ice cream.

Biggest Leeker’s coincidence radar was aroused by the most recent blog post from Lambert’s partner and Finnish reality star Sauli Moreskinin, who did not accompany Lambert on the appointment. He wrote about having part of their matching “OOFTA” tattoos altered.  The tattoos were immediately spotted on both men by fans and provided months of Twitter fodder discussing the possible meaning of the word. After a huge online survey, Tweeps voted with resounding confidence the string of letters must have something to do with Moreskinin’s reaction to first seeing Lambert’s junk.

Biggest Leeker interviewed a urologist in Los Angeles to get a professional opinion on why any male penis would shrink.  Dr. Deepan Long explained that in 98% of cases penis shrinkage is an illusion:

“Lifestyle changes can throw a man’s perception off. For instance, loss of belly fat in some patients can be quite a shock. Suddenly they can actually see their penis and it’s not as big as they remember."

"Also, when males reach milestone birthdays like 30, 40 or 50, they focus more on potential sexual problems. TV commercials plant subliminal fears."

 Dr. Long continued, "Men begin to pay more attention to things like how long they can hold an erection, how long it takes them to climax or how many times they can climax. They become obsessed with statistics and bring measurement tools into the bedroom. With the release of the popular new iPackage Analyzer app for the iPhone the number of concerned patients has exploded. The new app allows the user to upload a picture of a full erection. It calculates all dimensions and returns a comparative analysis complete with pie charts and geographical density data. Most of the calls we receive are simply from patients who forgot to change their personal settings since the app converts all its calculations to US or metric. 22.9cm is 9” in the US. So it’s easy to understand why a man overseas could be alarmed or why a man in the US thinks he’s ready to be a porn star.”

Adam Lambert: "Glitter is dead to me"

Adam Lambert has proclaimed:
“Glitter is dead to me”.
Mr. Lambert refers to his new style as more “organic”.

Is it December 21, 2012?
Could it be the end of the world as the Glambert’s know it?
Organic - Glam? Can you say “Orglamic”?

And what about the GLAMberts?
Will the fan base have to accept a new name?
How about the “Orglamberts”?

Biggest Leeker went straight to Lambert’s fans, formerly known as his “Glamberts”, to feel their pulse, if they still have one.

On the surface it appears stock prices for glitter related industries are plummeting and Glamberts are rushing to crafting websites, scrambling to figure out how to reuse or repurpose their glitter. Some are seeking proper disposal methods for their unused stash.
Here's what some of the fans have to say:

RainbowGlitterFairy: I have to change my avi name. It’s like I’m losing my identity.

GlitterCraftFreak: I still had the price tags on some of my bags of glitter but the craft store won’t give me my money back since it’s been over 30 days since I bought it. I could use the store credit to buy some yarn and a “How to Knit” book.

Tweeny: I don’t like our new fan group name. G comes before O in the alphabet so the Beliebers have even more of an edge on us now. I HATE YOU ADAM ORGLAMBERT!

AdamCleanMyHouse: I made the mistake of trying to flush my glitter down the toilet. It exploded all over my bathroom. Adam, come and clean my bathroom.

EarthLuvsAdam: I’m concerned about the environment. Glitter is not biodegradable. Here we are giving money to Adam’s clean water charity and ruining our own water supply at the same time. ‘Xcuse me while I hug this tree and hum a song to heal our planet.

LilKatie: I just wrote a paper for school about glitter. Now I have to go to the library again.

FlashInThePan: I called my local food bank and homeless shelter and neither of them have any use for my glitter.

OffMyRocker: I got rid of all my boring gray and beige clothes and bought all this stuff with sparkles and spikes. I’m on a fixed income and can’t afford new clothes again.

Tasty: Here is a brand new picture of Adam not wearing any glitter. I enhanced the… What are we calling the Glambulge now? Does he still jizz glitter?

Moreskinin:  Good news for me, no more picking glitter out of my teeth.

DiscoTattoo: I hear feathers are the next thing to go. I guess my peacock sleeve tattoo is too cliché’ now.

GNL20Timer: I can’t even imagine what the merch will look like on the next tour. Macrame hanging planters? At least we won’t set off the metal detectors.

PugsyWugsy: Glitter wasn’t good for dogs anyway. Whatever my Master says is good enuf for me.

Master:  :(

WackyKittn: I evacuated to escape a hurricane and I couldn't decide between my glitter or my cats.

GlowSchtick: How will I spread Adam’s light without the reflective glitter?

LOLEllen: I knew this would happen. I even blogged about it.

Flumingo@camp: The whole thing makes me nervous.

Ferret:  I’m not arguing. He said glitter is dead to him, not us. He can’t speak for us.

Lambertlate:  @WackyKittn My cats always come first.  Was that a personal attack on me?

MeatAndVegies: I agree with @Ferret. After Adam said glitter is dead, I can’t believe anyone would still have any glitter. DO NOT BUY GLITTER from those scum sucking leeches.

OrglambertCliveDavis: I’m “Orglambert #1”.

Xenith:  Can I be "Orglambert #2"?

ComeInMe:  It saddens me (frowny)

ImTerrific: I’ve been a supporter of glitter for years. Even though Adam has the best voice I ever heard, I think he should have stuck with the glitter. Madonna still uses glitter after 30 years.

TerrificWife: Adam Lambert is dead to me.

BegForMalcolm: I’ll sue that bastard. I own most of the glitter warehoused in Hollywood.

ChuynkyChimp:  What bullshittery is this?  Lambert gifs without glitter may as well be Levine gifs.

LoveLightPeace: Can’t we still get along? Sure, we will look different. But isn’t that what makes the Orglamily special?

JamesDisdurbin: Shit! I just wanted to give glitter a chance.

CarryCoals:  Any Glamberts who purchesed large amounts of glitter in anticipashun of years of glamming it up for Adam Lambert, I am preparing a class action lawsoot  I am an atturny.  Please contact me on Twitter.

Biggest Leeker Presented with Prestigious Award

Biggest Leeker was presented with the prestigious “Rumer Mills Memorial Award” at a ceremony on Sunday in Toronto.

The annual award was given to Biggest Leeker for outstanding news leek reporting. Biggest Leeker won the award in the “Individual Celebrity” category for their Adam Lambert news leeks, which can be seen on their web site, BiggestLeeker.com. The award is in memory of Rumer Mills who was a young freelance photographer that was run over by Sonny Bono’s chauffeur while trying to capture a rare photo of the singer turned politician. 

Phillip Byrd, managing partner for Lambert’s public relations firm, “Phillip Morris Moore”, granted Biggest Leeker a coveted interview slot with Lambert after hearing about the award win.

Lambert, who is openly gay and finished as runner-up on Season 8 of American Idol is currently in New York City catching some Broadway shows and doing regional promotions for his upcoming album, “Trespassing”.

Although not a fan of Mr.Lambert, Mia Newcomer, a quickly hired intern who needed journalism credits, met with Lambert yesterday for the interview.

Byrd filmed the meeting for future PR use and provided a transcript.

 

Mia Newcomer (MN): So you’re Adam Lambert?

Adam Lambert (AL): Yah, nice to meet you. I like your jacket. I love jackets.

MN: What’s with your jacket? I swear every picture I see of you you’re wearing that same jacket.

AL: Awe. I like this one. It’s one of my favorites. It’s so comfy.

MN: OK, enough with the chit chat. I look at you and all I see is my 3 college credits. To be honest, I never really liked you. I was a huge fan of Danny Gokey. In fact, I think he would have been in the finale but they already had Queen booked assuming you would be the winner. So speaking of Queen, I guess you got your dream job replacing Mercury?

AL: Awe. I was a fan of Danny too. He’s really talented. And so down to earth and honest. But as far as Queen is concerned, Brian and Roger, they are so down to earth, they expressed a desire to work together back on the Idol finale and I was so honored

MN: We know. We know. So when do you start? I bet a lot of Queen fans are pissed.

AL: Well, I promised to keep it a secret. You will hear soon...ish.

MN: OK, so I really know nothing about you to do this interview and I only had a day to prepare. So I scoured your fan sites and checked out your Twitter feed to see what your “Glamberts” wanna know. What I really found out is you have the stupidest fans ever. I saw someone on your Twitter feed asking you if your Finnish boyfriend, Sauili Moreskinin* has his foreskin. I mean, what the actual fuck? And they talk about your crotch. Then they want to touch your hair. Idiots.

AL: Awe, I love my Glamberts. They are so dedicated and passionate. If it weren’t for them I wouldn’t even have a second album. I spent the last year

MN: So since he’s not American, I assume he has his foreskin?

AL: Of course! So I spent the last year touring and I really got a feel for who my audi

MN: So now that we know that you take your coffee with Half & Half and sweetener, the obvious question is what color sweetener packet do you prefer, the pink, blue, yellow or the green?

AL: That’s kind of personal. I’ll just keep it a mystery for now. Actually my album, called “Trespassing”, kind of lets my fans know a lot more about me. It lifts the veil so to speak. The first half of the songs are dance, funk, kind of 90s club

MN: So what’s the release date?

AL: We are working on some last minute details and right now we are looking at a possible date in April…ish.

MN: Are you kidding me? Just yesterday I read it was March 20th. I mean, what the actual fuck?

AL: I want it to be perfect. Trust me, it will be worth the wait. I am the executive producer and I am doing the art direction on all the

MN: Yah I heard. Can you say “control freak”?

AL: I know I know. But my first album was done in like 2 months while I was on tour and

MN: OK, let’s move on. Here’s a good one. Regarding toilet paper, are you a scruncher or a folder?

AL: (Laughs and winces) Really? Where did you find that question? Next?

MN: So after your wakeup call in a Finnish jail, you’ve decided to live a healthier lifestyle. Let’s say we make this different than the other 50 times you’ve answered this ridiculous question. Tell me your bad habit and tell me what you replaced it with. AND don’t say the word “juice”. I had to listen to hours of YouTube interviews and all I hear is “juice, juicing, juice cleanse”. I mean, what the actual fuck?

AL: Yah, the Universe does send wake-up calls. And I admit we’ve become one of Hollywood’s most boring couples. Let’s see, gone are “Marijuana Mondays”. They have been replaced with mango juice… Oh that’s right I can’t say juice. Sorry. “Taco and Tequila Tuesdays” have been replaced with Tuesday breakfast burritos and avocado Juice. Damn it I said it again. “Whip Me Wednesdays” are now just Wednesday workouts that begin with a juice cleanse. Oh I said it again. We used to refer to Thursdays as “Thumbs Up Our Butts Thursdays” because we would just sit around the house and plan our weekend. Now Thursdays are for grocery shopping. We don’t even have cool names for our days any more. We really are boring. The weekends have really changed. “Freaky Fridays”, “Saturday Sploshing” that’s how we got rid of leftovers, and “Slumping Sundays”... Did you know that Absolut Vodka used to sponsor our weekends? Now we enjoy watching TV and preparing our own food. Eating in restaurants can really pack

MN: Gee, look at the time. I didn’t even get a chance to ask what happened to that beige Ford Focus you won on Idol. I suppose you donated it to some charity auction?

AL: I never had a beige Ford anything. They let us pick out anything we

MN: Whatever. Got enough to get my credits.

AL: (Stands up and reaches for Mia’s hand to help her up) It was really nice to meet you. It’s been fun.

MN: Wow, you’re so tall. I guess I always assume that gay guys are all little twerps.

AL: I’m actually 6’1”, plus 6” of hair, 3” heels

MN: Mmmmm, you smell good. What scent are you wearing?

AL: I made it myself in our new juicer. (Giggles) I guess I do say juice a lot.

MN: (Looks him up and down) Love those jeans. They fit nice too. (Giggles) I just noticed you have freckles on your lips. Oh my God! Can I have a hug?

AL: Of course.

 

*Editor’s Note: Several spellings of Lambert’s boy toy have been used by the press. Since Lambert did confirm that Sauli’s foreskin is intact, we are using the spelling “Moreskinin”.

FUX Network & Adam Lambert to "Fan the Flames" on reality TV

Fans of American Idol and Season 8 runner-up Adam Lambert, will be thrilled to know that FUX Network is in talks with Lambert, who is openly gay, to launch a new reality series.

Lambert has just released his video “Better Than I Know Myself”, for the first single from his album “Trespassing”, due for release on March 20, 2012. The video shows a split screen with a dark temperament Lambert, decked out in leather, spilling tequila and setting a fire, while the light natured Adam sports comfy clothes, sips tea and practices yoga.

FUX shared their strategy with Biggest Leeker and said upon first view of Lambert's video they decided to pursue Lambert for their highly anticipated show.

An executive from FUX, Seymour Green, met with Lambert at the popular California Jews Bar and revealed exclusively to Biggest Leeker that he and Lambert had a very productive meeting while sharing a leek, kale and eggplant beverage.

Green confirmed that details have been hashed out and the new show is called “Burning Idol”.

Additional details of the show have been leeked, but not confirmed.

21 finalists will take a glammed up school bus to the middle of the dessert near Black Cock City where The Burning Man Festival is held each year.

Subjected to similar harsh rigors in the desert experienced at Burning Man, the contestant's first challenge is to build a giant wooden likeness of Ryan Seacrest.

Clothing will be optional for the contestants and Lambert, who will be the Executive producer and emcee, is rumored to being open to also appearing naked. Personal rituals will be prohibited, such as shaving and showering. All foods and pharmaceuticals must be 100% natural and organic. Nightly feasts may include psychedelic mushrooms, provided from the show’s first sponsor, Beyonce’s “Blue Ivy Organic Nursery”, and will likely unleash the raw and unique talent of each contestant.

After two weeks in the desert without basic luxuries, the contestants will strap the idol-like effigy of Seacrest to their bus and return to Hollywood where they perform their own vocal arrangements inspired by their Burning Man-like experiences. Song choices are limited to selections that have been heard at least 3 times throughout Idol’s 11 successful seasons and all of the past “coronation masterpieces”.

After the wooden Seacrest effigy has served its purpose as set décor, it will be set ablaze as the winner is crowned.

Biggest Leeker is actively trying to obtain a statement from FUX as to how the show will be edited for the family friendly audience.

No judges have been announced formally but Biggest Leeker is predicting a list of possibilities that include Ohpera, Poola Abdool, and Lambert's longtime friend Peerez Hilton.

Although no major sponsor has stepped up to award a lucrative recording contract for the top performers, there is speculation Lambert will feature the winner and runner-up in his next music video.

 

 

Adam Lambert suspected of shoplifting

Adam Lambert, the openly gay runner up of American Idol season 8, was stopped, questioned and patted down after security at Alternative Hole Foods in West Hollywood suspected Lambert of shoplifting.

A customer at the store, who identified himself as Loo Nhee, alerted store security when he noticed a huge bulge in the front of Lambert’s trousers just after witnessing Lambert spending a lot of time examining the eggplant and zucchini and not placing any in his shopping cart. His cart reportedly contained some items of suspicion.

Store security officer, Hugh Morliss, approached Lambert as he was exiting the store and asked him why he didn’t purchase the eggplant or zucchini. Lambert explained that neither the eggplant nor the zucchini was big enough for the use in special recipe his partner, Finnish reality star Sauli Noskinin, were planning to prepare.

Morliss noticed an eggplant sized bulge in Lambert’s trousers and asked him to stand with his legs apart. As he began the pat down, customer Nhee reported that Morliss turned - and we quote: "red as an organic beet" as it became clear the bulge was 100% Lambert.

Lambert was released without having to submit to a cavity search but was accosted by paparazzi as he exited the store. Lambert, still clearly excited, smiled and waved as he drove off in his beige Ford Focus.

Adam Lambert Has Run-in With Entertainment Correspondent In Driveway

Biggest Leeker entertainment correspondent Papz Amir seized a long awaited photo opportunity as American Idol Season 8 runner-up Adam Lambert, who is openly gay, was believed to be leaving for the afternoon taping of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

Prior to Lambert’s departure, several delivery vehicles arrived at Lambert’s home. One appeared to be delivering exercise equipment, a second contained home saunas, and a third from “Blue Ivy Organic Nursery”. A web search has since revealed one of the owners of the Blue Ivy Nursery as Beyonce, who has just launched a home growing kit for mushrooms rumored to have hallucinogenic effects.

A fourth van entered the property branded with the words “Alternative Hole Foods” on its side panels and SPLOSH on a custom license plate. Our correspondent interviewed Harry Reardon, a co-owner of the company. Reardon described their food products as newly available for home use after previously being limited to clinical trials.

Reardon said, "Folks who don’t like the taste of healthy food choices can self-administer 'Alternative Hole Foods' rectally."

"Many of our clients are subjected to limited food choices on airplanes, and face sabotaged diet plans due to unhealthy snacking. Our research compelled us to satisfy this demand for a unique, quick, and healthy nutrition option."

Reardon also spilled that Lambert volunteered to evaluate their newest product line called “Craqs”, the equivalent of a quick snack. Reardon continued explaining that full entrees can take up to 9 minutes to administer, and “Craqs” require only 4 minutes.

He also noted with enthusiasm, the perfect fit "Craqs" has with today’s busy lifestyle. For customers who prefer the 'green' lifestyle, the products are packaged with completely disposable, bio-degradable, and flushable materials.  Reardon denied any rumor that Lambert would be endorsing the products but noted that Lambert was anxious to give them a try on his flight overseas in a few weeks.

Lambert, who is currently promoting his newly released single, “Better Than I Know Myself” and upcoming album, “Trespassing”, attempted to leave his residence in a beige Ford Focus. Before the vehicle departed it was momentarily blocked by the "Alternative Hole Foods" truck.

Our correspondent, Papz Amir, was summoned over to Lambert’s vehicle after taking some pictures but remains mum on what Lambert whispered to him and has not submitted any photos.

Adam Lambert Receives the "No Way, Yes Way, AMWAY" Leadership Award

Adam Lambert, runner-up of American Idol season eight, performed at Amway’s Leadership Seminar in Shanghai in December 2011. But new leeks indicate there is much more to this story. With cameras strictly forbidden at the event and most Amway distributors staying under the radar, verification of these newly leeked facts has been impossible.

Lambert, who is openly gay, was actually the recipient of Amway’s most prestigious award that honors one of its distributors who has not only reached Amway’s almost unattainable sales goals, but who is also in a high profile position to promote the Amway brand. The award, called the “No Way, Yes Way, Amway” was awarded to Lambert in a secret meeting.

Our entertainment correspondent, Papz Amir, was able to sneak into the event posing as, of all things, one of Lambert’s entourage.To avoid tipping off Lambert’s actual entourage, Mr. Amir posed to them as an assistant to Lambert provided by the venue.

Mr. Amir was able to speak with Lambert and ask some questions. The casual question and answer follows. We at BiggestLeeker apologize for Mr. Amir’s grammar, but he was trying to not sound normal, not like a news correspondent. We think he did a great job and uncovered some great new information about Lambert as well as some Amway insider secrets, a critical part of Amway’s allure.

PA: It is like so nice to like meet you Adam. But I don’t think anyone knows that you are actually an Amway distributor. Like WTF?

AL: Well actually my whole family is involved with Amway. My parents actually first met in college at an Amway opportunity meeting arranged through the college for students they didn’t think would be able to find jobs in their chosen majors.

PA: Who all in your family sells Amway?

AL: My mom, my dad, my dad’s fiancé, all my aunts and uncles…really everyone because the way you get ahead is by signing up as many people as you can. We even signed up our dog Maggie at one point.

PA: Your dad has a fiancé?

AL: Well, I didn’t know what else to call her.

PA: So how long have you been selling Amway and why haven't we heard?

AL: I started right after I dropped out of college because I needed some extra income. Amway offered me a flexible schedule, unlimited income potential and an opportunity to win valuable trips, like this one to beautiful Shanghai, and most importantly, great networking opportunities.

PA: That sounds like a commercial for Amway. Did they give you a script?

AL: No, I’ve just gotten really good at answering interview questions. (laughs) Maybe you should look into the opportunity yourself. I can give you some information. Or better yet, I can set up a party with some of your family and friends. During the meeting here they are offering a special on their introductory sample box. It’s only $19.95 and it’s a $500 value. But it’s only available for a few days. Then it goes back up to $49.95.

PA: So you actually use and sell Amway?

AL: Of course.

PA: What’s your favorite product?

AL: I don’t really have favorites. Besides, Amway manufactures products that we use every day, from cleaning products, skin and body care, health supplements, jewelry, vacuum cleaners, custom kitchen cabinets and jewelry. In fact one of the reasons I am here is to launch their clothing line which I helped to design. My first piece should be ready to launch in 2013…ish. There were some changes that caused some delays. I wanted the fabric to be as organic as possible to be consistent with Amway’s commitment to the environment. In fact most of their products are now made of rice.

PA: Huh?

AL: Yes. Over the years Amway has removed all the chemicals from its products. Now, everything from the food supplements, the makeup and the laundry soap are made from rice and rice byproducts. Most of the products are actually edible.

PA: You can eat the laundry soap and makeup?

AL: True. I once mixed some makeup base with a little olive oil and made a tasty salad dressing.

PA: Yuk! What did it taste like?

AL: Kind of like olive oil.

PA: So they make vacuum cleaners out of rice?

AL: Not exactly. But the disposable filters are made of rice and are currently available in two flavors, tangy lemon and buttered popcorn. There are samples in that introductory kit. I can run your credit card right now. Hey, I need to start getting ready. Aren’t you supposed to be my assistant?

This concludes the question and answer session from our entertainment correspondent, Papz Amir. From what he said, Adam removed his shirt and he recalls nothing after that.